Winners are losers too
by diesedame
Summary: A talk with an old teacher after the Final Battle. Harry muses about why he wants to leave.


"I won't pretend to understand. I don't understand why you have to leave, Potter. Potter… Harry. This is your home. You fought for this."

Harry stared at the expanse of green surrounding Hogwarts. And he shook his head somberly. "No Minerva. This isn't my home now. This _was _my home."

"But I don't understand why!" His normally dignified professor cried out.

Harry kept silent. His emotions were frayed, truth be told. He was just so tired. The final battle had been played out on Hogwarts grounds. He had won. Yes, he had won. But had he really won? Had he really won when day and night, his memories of his family's and friend's deaths plagued him and refused to give him peace?

"You ask me why… I'll tell you why Minerva." Harry shifted his body to point towards the South-East direction. "That was where Lucius Malfoy tortured Ginny into insanity. Did you know Minerva, when her remaining sanity left her? It disappeared when in the midst of battle, she caught my eye and suddenly the light from her hazel eyes just diminished and she ceased to be the Ginny Ive come to know and love."

He then pointed to another direction. "That spot was where Peter Pettigrew and another unknown deatheater took down Remus with silver knives. They petrified him and cut him. They tormented him and prolonged his death, knowing the pain silver would bring him. They cut him into an unrecognizable pile of flesh and blood, Minerva. And that picture will always be etched in my mind.

And there… That was where Albus Dumbledore was taken down defending his beloved pupils. And you know Minerva… Ironically, he was killed by people whom was he had once seen to be his beloved students. How quick they were to turn on him… And he died, Minerva. Feeling like he had failed because the students he had groomed turned to be mindless murderers and teasing torturers."

Harry swiveled towards the lake where the sun shone causing glitters of crystal light to shine on the lake. "George was killed there. The twins were fighting with the Lestrange brothers and when George fell, Fred… He gave up. He just gave up. He killed off Rodolphus Lestrange, transfigured his wand into a dagger and plunge it into his heart. The twins are gone, Minerva. The tricksters as we knew them finally succumbed to the pressure and now… Now what is there left to laugh at?"

"Shall I tell you more? Ron was avadared there. He was trying to get to Hermione because she was being crucioed by Avery. But in the end it was all futile. Because the moment Ron fell, Hermione stopped screaming and stopped breathing. They were my family Minerva. My only family. Ron was my first friend. My first best friend. And Hermione was like my sister. Did you know they were going to get married? They asked me to be Ron's best man too." Harry said whispering. And for the first time since he had started his story telling, his voice broke away from his monotone and cracked.

"I was going to be best man at both my bestfriends' wedding Min… And now they are both gone." Tears fell softly as he gazed over the horizon.

'But that's not the only family you had.' Harry reminded himself silently.

"Someone proposed to me the day before the battle Min." He said breaking the silence which had engulfed them for a minute or two.

Minerva turned to him in surprise. "I was not aware that you were in a relationship Mr Potter."

Harry smiled softly. "We kept it a secret. We didn't want people to know about us. Only Ron and Hermione did… It was Draco, Min… And though Ron absolutely hates- hated anything to do with Slytherin, he agreed that Draco made me happy and he was happy for me. We were happy, Min… We were pathetically happy."

"But now he's gone too. He was with me when I faced Tom. Did you know that, Min? And as I was casting the final spell to Tom, Tom casted a final spell to Draco. I held him in my arms till his last breath, Min. And till now, I still can feel the warmth of his bloody as it came gushing out of his body like a tap. And I still can feel as his body started to cool and stiffen after his last breath… I can remember it all, Min. Every single fucking minute."

Harry wiped his tears from his face. Then he turned to his former teacher. She too was gazing across the greens as if she was also relieving every minute of the Final Battle. The lines of worry and stress on her face became more pronounced in the orange light of the rising sun. A stab of guilt shot through him. He grasped her arm and squeezed gently causing her to turn to him.

"Forgive me for making you relieve that day, Minerva. But after everything you've heard… Can you begrudge me of wanting to leave? For wanting to leave this Wizarding World which had introduced me to this excruciating pain I feel now?"

The silence fell between them. The sun continued to rise giving light to the world. Hogwarts in all its glory shone proudly. But Harry's eye only saw the bloodbath that had fallen on the castle.

A hand fell on his right arm. His old professor opened her mouth as if wanting to talk and then she closed them. Her eyes gazed into Harry's and she opened her mouth once more. "Everyday is a new day. Look at the sun, Harry. It is the same sun today, a million years ago, and a million years in the future. It has seen plenty of horrors and it is still there, shining, as brightly as ever…"

Taking a deep breath, Minerva continued. "Go. Go Harry. Get away from here and find solace somewhere. Someday I hope you will shine once more to become the boy you had been before all this. But remember this, my Gryffindor… Hogwarts will always be open for you."

Harry's eyes misted at the affectionate name. Covering his teacher's hands with his own, only three heartfelt words fell out his mouth.

"Thank you, Professor."

A/N: Please review! Having no reviews are discouraging):


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